Every entry to this blog could have this title. Today we focus on one piece of the puzzle of what kids need.
They need us to accept that there is a knowledge gap. Ever since the genetic leap of 2000, adults are confronted with totally new challenges. We all want the best for our kids and opening our horizon will be another useful development.
What is this gap?
The gap as I call it results from a simple difference in our brains' capabilities. Whereas we as adults have some abilities regarding the new skills, kids have a lot more. What makes it a knowledge gap is the fact that no-one taught us. Until know.
Every generation has a challenge, the youngsters challenge the elders. That’s necessary in order for mankind to develop.
There are different reactions and people can be divided into groups - and while I think we all fit in all of them, you might relate more to one group than the others.
Group 1: The embracer
The embracer totally goes for the idea of a new era, a new species, new kids. Often they would use labels such as ‘Rainbow Kids’, ‘Indigo Children’, ‘High Sensitivity’ or ‘Enlightened’.
As the development we face is mental and spiritual rather than bodily, it is natural to try to name it. It simply is.
If we are part of this group we tend to over-idealise our children and undermine their need for guidance and support. We give them our full love and admiration. They are special and hence we are, too. Being clear on your principle and on the outcome of ‘Project Child Raising’ is a useful addition to your approach.
Group 2:The development resistant
What I cannot see, I cannot touch, is unreal. Of course, our mental abilities manifest in very many ways, logic is simply one of them. These group has all the skills necessary to support the cognitive abilities in a child. They tend to struggle with the abilities that are part of the knowledge gap.
Emotion, sensitivity, and instinct are skills used by the best of mankind. Scientists, athletes, managers - they all rely on their gut, they thrived because of their ability to use their brains to follow a gut instinct.
What I don’t know cannot be real can be a limiting belief. If you want to shift into a broader view, think of the following example: For a while mankind did not know that genetics alone were not sufficient to decode our DNA. We strongly believed that diseases are passed from one generation to the next. Epigenetic taught us differently.
A development towards integration of new thinking is useful if you feel you are too strongly embedded in this group.
Group 3: The devoted
It’s all about the child. She needs to be defended, she needs to be protected, she needs to have whatever she wants. He needs to sit down, relax, not to be worried, kept from harm and challenges. We all want the best for our kids. Letting them discover the world and experience obstacles and how to overcome them all on their own, fuels their self-esteem and self-confidence, important traits when someone offers you drugs or peers push you to do sth stupid.
Establishing a sense of self and purpose shall get you to be able to let go a little. Trust you child, it’s capable. To let loose a little might be useful.
Group 4: The integrators
Not too much helicopter, not too little guidelines. A little bit of brain and a little bit of instinct. Combined with unconditional love - even if the boy chooses not to follow his father’s footsteps - and based on the principles that define us, we find a way to parent our child.
Recent studies show that ADHD structure in the brain can be transformed into a less diffuse one, a healthy one given the right environment. If you are interested in the details follow Prof. Hüther. As I am open to the least intrusive approach when helping a child I would try everything before I gave brain-numbing medication to my child.
Maybe there is something we gain when we label someone ADHD? Calm, piece, less effort, integration into the mass against individuality. It can also make you feel special, as one is so devoted to such a problematic child. It is easier to sedate someone than to stand up and fight for the child to have a treadmill in class. NLP practitioners around the world know that a kinaesthetic learner needs movement in order to be able to comprehend new ideas. That’s not new. What is new is the fact that due to the brain’s and the genetic’s development kids nowadays learn faster and need less time to recuperate and refuel their energy. So of course, after a long day in the office, we wish for a quiet evening…
If we resist development we are inclined to listen to doctors and others rather than to our child and our hearts. As a mother, we know in our hearts what is right. As a father, we are knightly enough to see and fight injustice. So if you have a feeling, evaluate the facts, research knew development and make a decision. Revise, when necessary.
As adults, parents and caregivers we are destined to love our kids unconditionally and to support them the way they need it to grow into the knights and chatelaines we want them to be.
The guild's blog - www.emc4success.com